Friday, October 19, 2012

How do you know when its time to Bolt!?

Youre walking gingerly across a road, minding your own business, getting from one place to another when all of a sudden headlights come from around the bend.
Things go wrong quickly, theres danger hurtling towards you and you cant do anything but panic and freeze, caught as a deer in the headlights.

How does your brain know when its time to reengage and get you out of a deadly situation? How do you know when to bolt to the safety of the other side? Or do you tuck tail and run back to whats familiar- even if its not safe either?

Im caught in that frozen state at work. I don't know what to do.

I have absolutely no coverage on my salary from the government to our contractor at the moment. Not only that, but the woman I was working for last year isn't sure how she's going to pay my boss for the time I've already put into her project. And money in the center is tight.
My boss keeps reassuring me- ill still get paid, the center is going to work something out to find me coverage.

Of course- me being miss negative nelly I start panicking.
-What if he cant find me coverage, am i gonna lose my job, or not get paid, or only get paid part of my salary cause I'm only partially covered? Or is he going to take money out of my profit share to pay me?
-Is this because people don't have a lot of funding right now, or does no one want me to work for them? Are they going to find me funding by pushing me onto someone who doesn't want me and then we have an antagonistic work environment?
-What about the government? We have no idea whats going to be cut by either administration depending on who gets elected. Or if they decide to let the time elapse and the sequester occur which could put hundreds of thousands of government works out of a job.-- Which would completely destroy the idea of finding something new- new employees always get cut first.

My boss has always been there for me, personally and professionally. He's said a few unkind things before, but everyone does that once and again and he's done everything he can for me at work, raves about what a good job i've done and sincerely does not want me to leave. And he prides himself on never having to lay off an employee due to funding issues. So do I trust him that things will work out? Or is there a first time for everything?

I'm so frightened at this point. I'm the deer in the headlights- frozen with fear. Fear that if I stay that one day my boss will tell me- sorry I've done all I can but we cant fund you. Fear that I find a terrific new job and it gets taken out in the government budget cuts.

Do I bolt or do I retreat?


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