Monday, July 9, 2012

Agony and Ecstasy

Its been over 5 years since I've had to deal with this... and the economy/market certainly hasn't gotten any better in that time (especially in Michigan!). I have this overwhelming fear that I'm going to get stuck in a dead end job or have to take a massive pay cut in order to be able to find work- or that no one will hire me because they don't want to take the effort to bring out someone that lives halfway across the country. Biotech jobs are not exactly commonplace in Michigan.

The boyfriend tells me to have faith. I certainly am trying to, especially considering how the right opportunities have always presented themselves when the time was right in the past (my current job, grad school and of course him) always when the moment was just perfect. Ive added an intention for direction and help in preparing for a finding my next step in life to my nightly prayers. In the mean time Im scouring job boards and agonizing over wanting to be with him. (FYI the 2nd part- Not Helpful!)

In the meantime- My next meeting with Fr.S. is next week.... I think I'm finally gonna bite the bullet and do my confession. Ive been agonizing over it for so long, but after the last meeting we had I feel prepared, reassured and that telling these things aloud and the forgiveness the church offers will finally help me close the door on my past and fully face a bright future.

Speaking of which... the L word is now in the open. We've both been scared to say it too soon and were holding back. We both failed. I can't say I've ever been happier failing at something.
I can see his feelings for me in his eyes and his face and feel it in his touch and his actions. I can't believe what I thought conveyed this affection in the past, it was but a candle against the sun. I feel so blessed to finally know what Love truly is.

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