Monday, July 23, 2012


SO.... Big News!

Saturday night (~10:10pm) I got an email from a professor at the University of Michigan!! (Yes I agree its kinda rando that he emailed me so late on a Saturday night). BUT OMGosh I'm so excited!

Sometime in early August I will have an interview for a Senior laboratory research position at UofM Medical School doing Molecular Evolution of Viral Pathogenesis research! (in laymans terms- how viruses have developed over time to cause infections). Infectious diseases and diagnostics research has always been some of my favorite- I just find it completely fascinating.

I'm already heading out to Detroit to visit the boyfriend August 9-13th so I told him id be available to meet in person then, but also that We can do a phone interview at any point if he'd prefer to do things that way or as a preliminary chat before meeting when I'm out there. (He's on vacation 'til August 1).

Its been over 5 years since I've had an interview- I'm a little nervous. But at least I have a little time to do my research- I've already printed out his published papers from the last couple years to read through and get a better idea for the type of research he's doing and have good questions to ask- interviewers supposedly love that (plus I'm super interested to find out myself!).
The only other thing I'm nervous about is the money and benefits. I just got a decent raise which also included a jump in my vacation time as well. Luckily cost of living in MI compared with NoVA is like 35% less (but that doesn't mean I'm willing to take a 35% drop in salary obviously- considering I'm not making enough to get by on my own as it is here).
Plus I'd love to be able to buy a house considering how cheap things are out there and I know the boyfriend and I will be there for a good while. AND Ill need money for driving back and forth- the job is in Ann Arbor which is about 50 mins away from his little township outside of Detroit. I have a feeling well both be back and forth a lot. (Which is another thought- Im not so sure how well my Roxie would handle Michigan winters.... a different car might have to be in the works as well).

But enough of worries for now- I just want to be super excited about it for awhile until I find out for sure if I would get the job and what the monetary offer is. So at least I get a couple weeks of excitement! And whether or not this works out- I'm making progress and I'm on the right track!

Friday, July 20, 2012

People have no Tact

I had to post this here because this disturbs me so greatly. No just the incident that happened out in Aurora Colorado, but the complete disregard that those people who have no idea what emotions are involved in such a matter have.

This morning I posted the following on my facebook after seeing what happened overnight. It is a terrible thing, and I feel so deeply for the people involved.

"I get that the media needs to portray how serious things are, but immediately jumping in and labeling something as a massacre does nothing except further damage the people who are dealing with the emotional ramifications of a horrific incident. 
My heart goes out to the people of Aurora CO."

I was greeted a short time later by a nasty message from an acquaintance. (Who's name I will be nice enough to omit- even though I'd like to be a brat and include it).

"What planet are you from? Seriously??? I understand this isnt a School Shooting... but it doesnt make it less important... just saying... think before you speak."

Really!? Thats what you get from what I wrote?! You know me- you know I went to Virginia Tech, you know I lost friends in the shooting in 2007, you know how deeply that has affected me, how deeply it has affected my friends, how every year on the anniversary I mention it, I mention how it can't possibly have been so long ago already, how the wounds are still there, how I still tear up whenever I step foot on campus and cry every time I stand there at the memorial gazing down at stones commemorating the lives of friends and of those I never knew.
The callous disregard people have towards the survivors, towards the families and friends. I am just in complete disbelief. Its easy for people who have never had to face such horror to brush it off or to not feel so heartbroken for those who are dealing with it- but to be so mean-spirited to someone who you know has dealt with these emotions first hand... I just can't get over the lack of compassion.

In case you're interested, I've included my response back to this individual below. I tried to remain calm and not resort to all-out calling them the terrible person they are for what they said, but my hands were certainly shaking while I wrote.

"WTF planet am I from!? WTF planet are you from- you took that completely wrong!
Im not saying its less important because not as many people were killed or because it didnt happen at a school!
Im saying that for the poor people who are dealing with this it creates even greater wounds by the media being so callous, this is emotionally difficult enough for those people without the media treating it like a frekin field day.
Maybe you should think before you speak- Ive actually dealt with this before and maybe know a thing or two about the emotional trauma associated with it."

"Im only saying this because of what I and hundreds of my friends have dealt with in the almost 5.5 years since the shooting happened at Tech. Labeling it as a massacre, and as the worst school shooting in history so that every time theres a shooting anywhere in the country they bring it back up as a point of reference. Or anytime there is an incident of any type/severity of violence its brought back up- constantly reminding us of the horror we went through. The media portrayed and continues to portray terrifying incidents such as this as though they are part of a scary movie playing on TV for the entertainment of everyone that is viewing it from a distance- isolated in time/space or emotion until those not associated are numb to the true violence that happened. They throw around words like massacre and terror without feeling an emotion for those involved because of the sensationalism is causes with TV viewers who have no idea what it is like to be in or know someone involved in one of those situations."

Monday, July 9, 2012

Agony and Ecstasy

Its been over 5 years since I've had to deal with this... and the economy/market certainly hasn't gotten any better in that time (especially in Michigan!). I have this overwhelming fear that I'm going to get stuck in a dead end job or have to take a massive pay cut in order to be able to find work- or that no one will hire me because they don't want to take the effort to bring out someone that lives halfway across the country. Biotech jobs are not exactly commonplace in Michigan.

The boyfriend tells me to have faith. I certainly am trying to, especially considering how the right opportunities have always presented themselves when the time was right in the past (my current job, grad school and of course him) always when the moment was just perfect. Ive added an intention for direction and help in preparing for a finding my next step in life to my nightly prayers. In the mean time Im scouring job boards and agonizing over wanting to be with him. (FYI the 2nd part- Not Helpful!)

In the meantime- My next meeting with Fr.S. is next week.... I think I'm finally gonna bite the bullet and do my confession. Ive been agonizing over it for so long, but after the last meeting we had I feel prepared, reassured and that telling these things aloud and the forgiveness the church offers will finally help me close the door on my past and fully face a bright future.

Speaking of which... the L word is now in the open. We've both been scared to say it too soon and were holding back. We both failed. I can't say I've ever been happier failing at something.
I can see his feelings for me in his eyes and his face and feel it in his touch and his actions. I can't believe what I thought conveyed this affection in the past, it was but a candle against the sun. I feel so blessed to finally know what Love truly is.