Friday, April 6, 2012

Home Sweet Home

For Valentine's day part of the gift from my boyfriend was a couple of CDs filled with country music which we both adore. One of the songs really struck a chord with me. 'Home Sweet Home' by The Farm exemplifies how I feel about my life right now. Its funny cause it fits his situation so perfectly right now as well.

'My world's a roller-coaster and my life's a traffic jam
All this mess ain't even close to bein' who I am
I've been dreamin' Carolina, catchin' craw-dads by the creek
But I'm stuck here in this prison, cell phones and city streets

I need a little time, I need a little space
I need a little gone, a little out of this place
I wanna get back where I can breathe
Where I feel free, yeah

Take me back, I've been away too long
Take me back to my home sweet home'

Anyone whos read any of my posts can obviously tell how much this fits. I HATE living in the city. Maybe its a product of my upbringing living in the country down a gravel road, probably its exacerbated by my fears from the robbery. But I this is I what I really need. To be back in a small country town, where life is a little slower and the stresses of city life abate.

I was in my home town the weekend before last. It was my lovely cousin's bridal shower (Which I of course threw being her Maid of Honor). It went so well, she had a terrific time and got plenty of great gifts. I think her son - my 'nephew' even enjoyed himself.

I was certainly not relaxed by any means, my mother and I had a ton to do to get everything ready, yet somehow I was much more at ease about everything than I am in my city apartment. I didnt worry about checking my surroundings before getting out of my car when we were out shopping, I had no qualms about walking around my parent's yard even though it gets so dark you can barely see the ground youre walking on (I get nervous every morning leaving my apartment for the 20 yard walk between the building and my car). And maybe most importantly, I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep all night. In my apartment every little noise wakes me up- including my roommate and his weird hours- going to bed around 1am. Yet I never heard my father getting up at 4am and getting ready for work, I didnt hear the alarm, him opening and closing doors as he got ready and took stuff out to his truck, or rummaging through the fridge and pantry to get his lunch.
Despite the incredibly uncomfortable twin bed that my parents have in my old room at their house, it was probably the most relaxing night's sleep I've had in ages.

All of this leads me to believe I'm getting better, but moving back to the country might get the process moving on more quickly.

I likely wont do that here in VA, the traffic on I95 would drive me insane, but the more and more I start thinking about the possibility of a move to Michigan, the more and more I think I should find a place to live further out in the country and have a little longer commute. I think it would go a long way to helping my mental health.

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