I still wake up occasionally in the night and freak out over small sounds like another door on our hallway slamming closed, my roommate going to bed at 1am or a car alarm going off outside my window. I still sleep with a police baton under my pillow and I still double check every lock and the bathroom and my closet before I lay down to go to bed.
But I also have a new nightly routine which has given me some sense of security. Each night before I go to bed I say a litany of prayers. In the past it has helped me in dire times and my realization has been that I should not leave it only to those instances. Each night I pray for help from God.
Safety, Understanding, Direction, Patience, Love, Faith, Truth and Forgiveness.
Things I now realize I should be thinking about on a daily basis.
My other nightly routine is an hour of sleep and then an hour or so on the phone. With the man in Detroit (not from... he hates being associated with the state of Michigan lol). Were up to 2 months and up to almost 3 days worth of phone time and over 2200 text messages. Thank goodness for friends & family on cell phone plans!
Maybe its just because its late and I'm tired, but I prefer to think that our nightly phone calls help to calm me down before going back to bed. Im always happy and feel warm and safe when I'm on the phone with him and that continues past when we say goodnight and I roll over to sleep. Im getting less sleep each night than I was before I met him, yet I have never felt as tired the next morning as I sometimes did getting a full night sleep before... Maybe its because I sleep more deeply because I need the smaller amount of sleep I'm getting, but I like to think of it as being able to do so because I have someone to protect me.... even from hundreds of miles away, the sense of peace and kindness in my mind after our conversations goes a long way in helping ease my mind.
In other (related) news... my cousin's wedding is the first weekend of May. I was already very excited for it because Im her Maid of Honor (I have an amazing dress) and Im very happy for her and can't wait to help make her day very special.
But now I'm even more overwhelmingly excited! He's coming for the wedding and the whole week after!! (some of that time will be spent with his family who also live here in VA, and I'm going to take off of work). Were both very excited to spend some more time together.
Im starting to believe in the power of prayer guiding me where I am supposed to be in life AND the old saying that the year is a reflection of your NYE. Mine was amazing and so far, the year keeps getting better and better.