Thursday, November 3, 2011

Guilt?

I feel guilty saying that I think I might have PTSD over this event.

While everyone i've spoken to agrees that it was a horrific experience I must have gone through, and want to offer any reassurance or help they can to help me move on, I myself am scared that i've created this into something bigger than it needs to be.
Last night I went out with some friends from class. At the end of the night one of the guys walked me back to my car, because I was afraid to walk back there by myself (he was already going in the same direction anyway)

We got onto a couple of random conversations and at one point he mentioned that he talks in his sleep because he has PTSD.

Thats when the guilt sets in. Here is a man who is in the military, trained and studied for all kinds of warfare, who has been deployed, had friends killed in our ongoing wars in the Middle East. A man who has looked down the barrel of a gun on multiple occasions (a much more powerful gun than what was pulled on me). Who am I to say that my experience had as significant an effect on my life to yield the same damage as everything he has gone through!?
And what about other survivors, for example- Colin Goddard is a survivor of the shootings at my Alma Mater- Virginia Tech. He not only was shot, but saw his classmates shot, saw people dying around him, saw the fear of his fellow students and the hatred in the shooters eyes and chaos all around him. That sounds like the kind of situation that should give someone PTSD- not a simple robbery.

Is it my past, my ivory tower and my naivete that has caused this to have such a significant effect on me? Am I being childish not getting over it and being able to move on? And most importantly how do I interact with those people around me who have experienced true terrors in their lives? How do I realize my troubles and work to get over them without it seemingly like i'm trivializing a real issue with my being a fragile little girl?

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